E90Post
 


TNT Racewerks
 
BMW 3-Series (E90 E92) Forum > BIMMERPOST Universal Forums > Off-Topic Discussions Board > Vday rant



Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
      02-13-2013, 03:59 PM   #23
luskombi
New Member
 
luskombi's Avatar
 
Drives: 2007 328i
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Finger Lakes, New York

Posts: 23
iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrRetep
anal
Lol! Glad my wife agrees with me that valentines day is just... dumb. In fact our first vday was the day I bought my first BMW.
luskombi is offline   United_States
0
Reply With Quote
      02-13-2013, 06:00 PM   #24
shah269
Captain
 
Drives: 2009
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: NJ

Posts: 959
iTrader: (0)

It’s the night before V day and all thorough out the world men are looking at each other in fear of the coming sunrise!
In just a short few hours all “lucky” men who happen to be in relationships be it real, imagined or just with benefits will be judged on the treasures they bestow upon the feet of their “lucky lady” or “ladies” of “other” if they are lucky enough to survive. As such it is tonight that things will get strange and unusual on an order not seen since Black Thursday.....Black Friday was pushed forward one day in an war on Halloween.

Men of all ages and shapes and incomes will venture to the mall and slowly with great hesitation walk into exotic stores with exotic names smelling of exotic things…stores where no man should ever be allowed to venture alone or at least unescorted. Stores which contain Victorians secrets and deceptive notions of baths and bodies being worked or of northern candles made of fruits not fit for man nor beast and of unusual German ladies who like chocolate dipped strawberries while riding around in the buff on backs of horses.

Men will walk into stores and be greeted by overly perky and happy sales staff asking such annoying questions as “Is there anything in particular you are looking for” or “How may I help you today” to which most men just smile and look at the sealing as if they are looking for god or are suffering from a mild stroke. Because if they knew “what they were looking for” don’t you think little missy they would have like a good man gone on line and bought it? But alas the look of confusion and drewelle running down the side of their mouths leads to the question asked by the overly perky well dressed good smelling sales associate of “size” as in “what size is your wife, girlfriend or other”. And that’s where things get freaky!

Size? Women come in sizes? As all living men will tell you there are three things you will never ask a woman and it all has to do with “size” 1) What size are your years? 2) What size is your dress and 3) What size of diamond would you like on that ring? This paradox of questioning will lead men to make odd shapes and gestures with their hands as if they are trying to squeeze oversized grapefruit or honking bicycle horns or just holding odd shapes in the air and giggling.

$500 later then men leave holding little bags with fluffy stuff hanging out the top and pink ribbon handles that would not even be big enough to hold you standard 3/8th socket set from that many store of store SEARS! On the way home, confused and scared men quickly realize that they need to buy flowers and quickly ignore the rules of the road make a 6 lain change across two interstates and slide sideways into the parking lot of the only florist that is still open.

Only to discover that roses are in fact made of platinum and any other flower is made of diamonds and gold…..or at least that’s what the prices will tell you….after all who knew 12 roses that only cost $15.50 now will set you back $155 for only 6 and there is an extra service charge for wrapping them up.

Broke, exhausted, confused and slightly worried about their lives the men make it home and hide all of these things in the closet where the cat spends the evening snacking the overprices flowers and sleeping inside the little pink bag.
shah269 is offline   United_States
0
Reply With Quote
      02-13-2013, 07:14 PM   #25
Vic311
Banned
 
Drives: 2011 e92 M3
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: NY

Posts: 1,469
iTrader: (0)

V-day is a scam..invented by Hallmark..so glad my girl doesnt buy into it and she hates flowers (surprised the hell outta of me when we first met)... I suggested to go out to dinner..she says "ugghh the restaurants are going to be so crowed"

I'm planning to cook for her instead and yes I can cook ..Overall I am lucky man.
Vic311 is offline   United_States
0
Reply With Quote
      02-13-2013, 07:30 PM   #26
Vic311
Banned
 
Drives: 2011 e92 M3
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: NY

Posts: 1,469
iTrader: (0)

Sopranos Fans May Like This One

A rich man and a poor man are talking to each other. The poor man says to the rich man

-"So what did you get your wife for Valentines?"

The rich man replies

- "I got her a sports car and a diamond ring"

Poor guy says

- "Oh, what did you get her both for?"

Rich man says

- "Becuase if she doesnt like the ring she can drive back to return it in her sports car and she'll still be happy."

Rich man says to the poor man

- "So what did you get your wife?"

Poor man replies

- "I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo."

Rich guy says

- "Oh,.. what did you get her both for?"

Poor man says

- "Becuase if she doesn't like the slippers she can go f@#k herself"
Vic311 is offline   United_States
0
Reply With Quote
      02-13-2013, 07:55 PM   #27
manutdas11
EL JIMMY NEURON
 
manutdas11's Avatar
 
Drives: Jet Black E90
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: in the Napa Valley/SJ...

Posts: 1,198
iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vic311 View Post
A rich man and a poor man are talking to each other. The poor man says to the rich man

-"So what did you get your wife for Valentines?"

The rich man replies

- "I got her a sports car and a diamond ring"

Poor guy says

- "Oh, what did you get her both for?"

Rich man says

- "Becuase if she doesnt like the ring she can drive back to return it in her sports car and she'll still be happy."

Rich man says to the poor man

- "So what did you get your wife?"

Poor man replies

- "I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo."

Rich guy says

- "Oh,.. what did you get her both for?"

Poor man says

- "Becuase if she doesn't like the slippers she can go f@#k herself"


hahahahahahahahahahahaha
__________________
2007 Jet Black E90 328i
Thread: http://www.e90post.com/forums/showthread.php?t=825249
Instagram: manutd_as
manutdas11 is offline   United_States
0
Reply With Quote
      02-13-2013, 09:55 PM   #28
Spool
******
 
Spool's Avatar
 
Drives: A few
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: DC Metro

Posts: 6,167
iTrader: (24)





I got her this thing, instead of flowers, flowers die, this thing at least we can eat it...and then we are going to Flemming's steak house after work, and then go home drink wine and fuck like orangutans

i'm leaving work during lunch to deliver the fruit basket thingie to her




random, but for some reason the strawberries look like little black dickheads
__________________


MKIV 6spd 1000hp Club
Spool is offline   Vietnam
0
Reply With Quote
      02-13-2013, 09:56 PM   #29
amanda hor$t
Banned
 
Drives: a380
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: ny ny

Posts: 208
iTrader: (0)

spidermonkey! just imagine a protective porn bubble... if you fuck her brains out first she might be ko'ed (saving a dinner tab!)

Last edited by amanda hor$t; 02-13-2013 at 10:28 PM.
amanda hor$t is offline  
0
Reply With Quote
      02-13-2013, 10:41 PM   #30
grimlock
Lieutenant Colonel
 
Drives: F10 N52B30@255PS
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Hong Kong

Posts: 1,758
iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Spool View Post




I got her this thing, instead of flowers, flowers die, this thing at least we can eat it...and then we are going to Flemming's steak house after work, and then go home drink wine and fuck like orangutans

i'm leaving work during lunch to deliver the fruit basket thingie to her




random, but for some reason the strawberries look like little black dickheads
No sh!tty problems, ok ?
grimlock is offline  
0
Reply With Quote
      02-13-2013, 11:17 PM   #31
MisterSkiMask
Lieutenant Colonel
 
Drives: I Can not say
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: you must not know

Posts: 1,934
iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Spool View Post




I got her this thing, instead of flowers, flowers die, this thing at least we can eat it...and then we are going to Flemming's steak house after work, and then go home drink wine and fuck like orangutans

i'm leaving work during lunch to deliver the fruit basket thingie to her




random, but for some reason the strawberries look like little black dickheads
wow, when did you turn into a p-whipped bitch?

for the record, I have always been a p-whipped bitch, so I am allowed to judge
MisterSkiMask is online now  
0
Reply With Quote
      02-14-2013, 05:13 AM   #32
Cozy
Major
 
Cozy's Avatar
 
Drives: E82 135i
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Surrey, England

Posts: 1,489
iTrader: (0)

Gotta love some of the ads going around trying to make you part with your cash..."Buy him/her an iPAD for Valentine's Day". WTF?! Since when was a nice surprise home cooked meal out of fashion? It's like friggin' Christmas all over again. Wait until Thanks Giving, a turkey dinner won't cut it much longer, better get your wallet out instead.

Luckily the GF has the same view and instead we're enjoying some quality time to ourselves and setting the career's aside for a couple of nights. A nice dinner at home and some chill time together will do nicely; before heading back into the rat race next week.
Cozy is offline   United Kingdom
0
Reply With Quote
      02-14-2013, 09:30 AM   #33
Templar
Lieutenant Colonel
 
Templar's Avatar
 
Drives: 2011 E92 M3
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: One of the coasts...

Posts: 1,816
iTrader: (1)

Garage List
2011 BMW M3  [5.00]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spool View Post




I got her this thing, instead of flowers, flowers die, this thing at least we can eat it...and then we are going to Flemming's steak house after work, and then go home drink wine and fuck like orangutans

i'm leaving work during lunch to deliver the fruit basket thingie to her




random, but for some reason the strawberries look like little black dickheads
Bolded the only part that really matters about V-day...
__________________
'11 BMW E92 ///M3 - ZCP and DCT
'13 Toyota Tundra - 4x4 Platinum CrewMax, 5.7l iForce V8
Templar is offline   United_States
0
Reply With Quote
      02-14-2013, 10:43 AM   #34
shah269
Captain
 
Drives: 2009
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: NJ

Posts: 959
iTrader: (0)

So it’s valentine’s day ladies and you can cut the tension with a knife.
Right away at 8am there are three kinds of women in this world.
One woke up to breakfast in bed and roses while Michel Bolton / Kenny G or Bieber sang to her while she attempted to balancer her well balanced breakfast on her lap without spilling any on the overpriced duvet cover. The other woke up to the sound of the alarm clock and her husband/boyfriend/other walking around like a zombie on his way to the shower. And the third woke up in a bed filled with cats crying and hugging each and every single one saying “You will never leave me will you Mr. Mittens!”

And things only got worse at the start of the day. The woman who was sang to skipped the elevator, ran up 15 flights of stairs did a double back flip and a half twist and made a perfect landing into her cube to win the gold. The woman whose husband/boyfriend/partner forgot what day it was had to park in the back of the parking lot walk through slush and ice and almost got hit by a buss only to have her hair all messed up by the wind and grabbed her coffee and sat down at her desk. The third woman with the cats unable to find a parking spot had to park in the other lot and was harassed by some angry chipmunks on her mile long uphill trek to the office. But it’s ok because at least she got some attention from someone who doesn’t use a litter box.

Things went from bad to worse, while woman one still high from the French toast spun around in her chair singing silly love songs that can only be sung by an effeminate Bieber the woman who was ignored started making of list of things she would do to her partner as volleys of flowers and chocolates landed around her to screams and giggles of “OMG it’s so big! And so round! And how am I going to fit this into my little box! I finally feel like a true princess!” and Miss Kitty…pondered the meaning of the word “paper clip”.

By lunch the office looked and smelled like a pink and red rainforest after a midsummer rain of chocolate. But Ms. Sung to by Biebe did not care..she was prancing around on tip toe like some ferry high on Prozac! Miss Kitty on the other hand was wondering if she could maybe hide under her desk and live off of posted notes and granola bars…that oddly look the same and probably taste the same. And Miss “my man is going to die!” was grinding her teeth and stomping her feet to and from the coffee giving all of her so called friends dirty looks and cursing them under her breath! How dare they…don’t they know roses are bad for the environment and those are not biodegradable teddy bears!

5 pm comes around and Ms. Bieber of love suddenly stops spinning in her chair, a look of fear and dread has come to her face….OMG…he was so nice this morning…what did he do wrong! Or what is he planning on doing wrong? Or what does he want to do wrong? She packs up her stuff, flies down the stairs and like a professional race driver jumps face first into her car and nearly puts 4 old ladies in the bushes as she takes her minivan sideways out of the parking lot. Ms….oh look how happy everyone is…can’t take it any more…stand on top of her desk and shouts…YOU ALL SUCK!....and stomps her way down the stairs cursing her partner on each step. Upon reaching her in the back of the parking lot she sees inside the back seat was a modest bouquet of flowers and a little box of chocolates. She looks at it and there is a simple hand written note stating “I love you and I know you are so busy at work and didn’t want to bother you with a delivery”…..she passes out and wakes up a half an hour later to making slush angels….

Little Ms Kitty left the dancing singing of her office, just missed getting hit by Ms. Bieber as she made her way out of the parking lot and almost called 911 when she saw little Ms. Slush angel giggling and rolling around in the slush holding her little bear….walked past the harassing chipmunks and got into her car and drove to the local pet shop to pick up another 100lbs of cat litter. It was there that she bumped into the drummer from the band Cold Play who also happens to be a cat lover and was picking up 100lbs of cat food for the local shelter while on a world tour….they hit it off and now live happily in Africa on their own nature preserve and rehabilitate angry wild cats who were traumatized by one too many English documentary film makers.
shah269 is offline   United_States
0
Reply With Quote
      02-14-2013, 11:07 AM   #35
SlowSaloonM3
Major General
 
SlowSaloonM3's Avatar
 
Drives: m3 saloon in granny mode.
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: lost angeles

Posts: 6,704
iTrader: (0)

Maybe ill make a treat out of it myself and go to the lakers game. Good stuff in here. Im over it. We have a 7 year gap which i think as i getting into my mid thirties she will have to get older soon or its just trouble for me!
__________________

When is this episode coming?!
me no care about lap times. its all about skids, way more fun = next car ///M6.
SlowSaloonM3 is offline  
0
Reply With Quote
      02-14-2013, 12:33 PM   #36
GarySL
First Lieutenant
 
GarySL's Avatar
 
Drives: 335xi E90
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Humboldt Co., CA

Posts: 385
iTrader: (0)

I just finished the cheapest & best V-Day gift ever, a love letter to my wife.
__________________
'08 335xi (E90), 6MT, Arctic/Black, ZPP, ZSP (18"s), ZCW, CA, PDC, i-Pod
Ordered-March 7, 2008, Shipped via Graceful Leader-March 21, 2008,
Arrived Port Hueneme-April 11, 2008, Delivered-April 21, 2008
GarySL is offline  
0
Reply With Quote
      02-14-2013, 01:07 PM   #37
Elliott@DetailAddict
Brigadier General
 
Drives: E90
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Santa Clara, CA

Posts: 4,448
iTrader: (0)

Just dropping in to make the thread worth while.





Also a reminder why you buy gifts
Elliott@DetailAddict is offline   United_States
0
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:47 AM.




e90post
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.0
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
1Addicts.com, BIMMERPOST.com, E90Post.com, F30Post.com, M3Post.com, ZPost.com, 5Post.com, 6Post.com, 7Post.com, XBimmers.com logo and trademark are properties of BIMMERPOST