[Revlis]

Originally Posted by garyhgaryh

To the OP: I suggest you do this.

To Derek: give us an idea what accounts are untouchable by divorce. Is 401k untouchable?

Gary

More dreamworld or offshore. It comes down to co-mingled funds, any INCOME earned, Savings, Investments, etc. Regardless of what your wife may or may not have done to contribute is fair game. If you haven't already established a second account for "In case Shit" you're screwed. House, cars, Kids, Pets. All gone.

Get used to it. Make yourself feel all better by finding an amazing 22 year old hottie who actually digs you and move on.

I've watched 5 buddies walk down this path and regardless of the tens of thousands of dollars spent the end results +/- are about the same. A few things though.

-DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE
-File a restraining order FIRST
-Get a good attorney, now NOT later
-Keep your cool, and don't get stupid.

But if things go sideways you loose. You are much better off with a very very civil divorce and parting of company... It's the only way not to loose your ass.


To the OP, your story, real or imagined makes most mens stomachs hurt. We've been in similar positions... Sucks, but it's time to help her pack.

[Revlis]

Oh and just be certain to put it in her ass one more time before you file, cause after that she's going to be sticking it in yours...

[picus]

To the OP: it's only going to happen again, and it will get progressively worse.

[smog]

@OP, to be honest, sounds like your wife is getting bored with you. She changed as a person and you're still the same loving guy she married. All that hiding (emails, phone calls, etc) just means she doesn't want to hurt you out of guilt. Same as she doesn't have the heart to tell you that you're not enough anymore and she needs something fresh. She probably still cares a lot about you as a person, but the husband part, im not so sure..

what are the chances that your wife is posting on some forum (or elsewhere) seeking advice to try to save the marriage? i'd say slim to none. Fact is, her energy was spend elsewhere after your move, not on a hobby, but in a "non-sexual" relationship with another man. She was playing with fire and she knows it. But what does she do? She hides stuff from you, and only apologized after she was found out.. What if you never found out? How far would she have gone? Also, what has she done since the incident to patch up the relationship?

You sound like a great guy, young and financially stable. You deserve better, seriously. Get out now before dragging a kid into this mess..

[rambino]

Originally Posted by fobunited

uuhhh.... no. I'm 25 and my parents almost went through a divorce when I was in high school due to an affair. My girlfriend's parents are divorced.

You may think I have an idealistic view on marriage and what not, and therefore believe me to be young and naive. In actuality, I firmly believe in the depravity of mankind.

I fully expect there to be much turmoil in my marriage, and any marriage for that matter. The fact is, that regardless of the turmoil, hurt, and anger, I want to uphold my marriage vow if and when I take it.

I do not know if I will be able to do so, but when I take the vow and say, "till DEATH do us part," I want to uphold my end of the bargain no matter how painful that may be. That means loving and devoting myself to my wife, even if she does cheat on me. Call me dumb or naive, but I believe that to be what marriage and love is about, regardless of my personal pain. Marriage and love can't be selfish.

FOB, I agree with all your posts to 95% I dont believe masturbation and porn is something we are hardwired to do, i believe with self control and also a deeper belief be that God can easily keep this in control and direct sex to be used in its original purpose between a marriage not to mention as a tool to secure and strengthen the relationship, ergo why the OP and his Ex Dancer wife are already off to a bad start.... I do agree with your negative views on pornography and i think your advice is excellent.

We both realise that in todays atheistic society, that morality is down the drain therefore trying to give rational and reasonable responses are being shot down in here.. Dont let them get to you, just the other day i had a huge argument with my friend stating that if i raised a daughter, i think i know how to teach her to hold her viriginity and morality till marriage even if that means we live in little house on the prarie, regardless he stated it was impossible, mainly because hes one of the mainstream believers in societys current ways.

Call us old school, but in the 1900's when morality and religion were more instituted, marriages lasted, in this day and age people are dumb followers like sheep and only want what feels good and right, self control and morality is dieing and relationships will as well and marriage will continue to become more of a joke.

[toofasttooslow]

Originally Posted by DasBlitz

Would I feel guilty about beating off? No. Wtf did I just murder someone?

Well technically you're an accessory to murder...

[DasBlitz]

Originally Posted by rambino

FOB, I agree with all your posts to 95% I dont believe masturbation and porn is something we are hardwired to do, i believe with self control and also a deeper belief be that God can easily keep this in control and direct sex to be used in its original purpose between a marriage not to mention as a tool to secure and strengthen the relationship, ergo why the OP and his Ex Dancer wife are already off to a bad start.... I do agree with your negative views on pornography and i think your advice is excellent.

We both realise that in todays atheistic society, that morality is down the drain therefore trying to give rational and reasonable responses are being shot down in here.. Dont let them get to you, just the other day i had a huge argument with my friend stating that if i raised a daughter, i think i know how to teach her to hold her viriginity and morality till marriage even if that means we live in little house on the prarie, regardless he stated it was impossible, mainly because hes one of the mainstream believers in societys current ways.

Call us old school, but in the 1900's when morality and religion were more instituted, marriages lasted, in this day and age people are dumb followers like sheep and only want what feels good and right, self control and morality is dieing and relationships will as well and marriage will continue to become more of a joke.

Morality, Religion? WTF oxymoron? You are just as brainwashed my friend. Even more so cus it seems like you think religion will get you through everything. I am willing to bet a shitload of Christians get divorced in america. Where the hell was the will and strength and god there?

Oh let me guess they didnt pray enough or they didnt stick with it enough. Always excuses.

[DasBlitz]

Originally Posted by gum5h03

Well technically you're an accessory to murder...

I don't like cats and to date God has killed 4,231 kittens because of me.

[TurboFan]

Originally Posted by fobunited

I believe there is a double-standard as far as what women are allowed to do and what men are allowed to do.

We rationalize our behavior all too often, yet automatically jump the gun at any sign of suspicion from our spouse/significant other.

95% of American males watch some form of pornography (the other 5% are lying). Does this constitute cheating? We quickly rationalize, no! it's not cheating because we're not actually doing anything with that other person. And furthermore, we're men and therefore it's part of our nature and unavoidable.

That's complete BS to me, because we ARE cheating on our significant others in that instance, because we betray our loved ones physically and emotionally. How many times, after watching pornography, do those images flash through our minds when we are having sex with our loved ones?

Truly, we should all look in the mirror before condemning this man's wife, who none of us even know except for the OP himself. Let the sinless cast the first stone.

I believe as much as pornography and masturbation are "unescapable" for men because it's part of our "nature," the need to be loved, admired, and shown affection is also hard-wired into women. If we neglect that, then they might get it elsewhere much like we curb our natural tendencies elsewhere.

As much grace is extended to the male-gender by women, so we should do the same.

+1
That has to be one of the most insightful posts I've seen in this forum.

[TurboFan]

Originally Posted by DasBlitz

Morality, Religion? WTF oxymoron? You are just as brainwashed my friend. Even more so cus it seems like you think religion will get you through everything. I am willing to bet a shitload of Christians get divorced in america. Where the hell was the will and strength and god there?

Oh let me guess they didnt pray enough or they didnt stick with it enough. Always excuses.

Ummmmm.....being a christian in no way means you're perfect. It means you acknowledge your sin, and seek forgiveness in Christ.

The will of God is that his children have free will. The freedom to love him, the freedom to love each other, and the freedom to make lots of dumb decisions. He seeks our love in return, but that would be an empty love if we didn't have the free will to not love him back.

How fulfilling of a relationship would you have with a woman if she was forced to love you, and had no alternative? True love comes from a choice to love one another, and to stick with it, and come back to it when it fails.

[TurboFan]

Originally Posted by fobunited

uuhhh.... no. I'm 25 and my parents almost went through a divorce when I was in high school due to an affair. My girlfriend's parents are divorced.

You may think I have an idealistic view on marriage and what not, and therefore believe me to be young and naive. In actuality, I firmly believe in the depravity of mankind.

I fully expect there to be much turmoil in my marriage, and any marriage for that matter. The fact is, that regardless of the turmoil, hurt, and anger, I want to uphold my marriage vow if and when I take it.

I do not know if I will be able to do so, but when I take the vow and say, "till DEATH do us part," I want to uphold my end of the bargain no matter how painful that may be. That means loving and devoting myself to my wife, even if she does cheat on me. Call me dumb or naive, but I believe that to be what marriage and love is about, regardless of my personal pain. Marriage and love can't be selfish.

PLEASE don't take this as an insult - yes, you are a bit young and naieve, but you have absolutely the right idea. I hope you save your post somewhere, and keep it to come back to. I've been married only 4 years now, it's the best and worst thing I ever did, but it's worth it in every regard. I've been to the highest highs with my wife, and the deepest of lows. I felt the same way as you, and I still do, but I have to come back to these same principles on a pretty regular basis to remind myself of what I have commited. Screw the Army, being a husband is the toughest job you'll ever love. Being a dad is a very close second.

[MCS]

ahh that's nice...
let's all group hug

[purespin52]

Originally Posted by MCS

ahh that's nice...
let's all group hug

+1 i think i wanna

[bartman32]

Originally Posted by rambino

Call us old school, but in the 1900's when morality and religion were more instituted, marriages lasted, in this day and age people are dumb followers like sheep and only want what feels good and right, self control and morality is dieing and relationships will as well and marriage will continue to become more of a joke.

Now while I'll go with you that sex and the advertisement of sex has gotten out of control in our society I will call you on this one.

In the 1900's sure divorce was VERY low but for many reasons and I hope that for most of them you are not avocating society to go back to.

Reasons not in any order:
#1 - Divorce was looked on as something VERY bad in socieity and it just didn't happen. (I can see people wanting this back, I'll give you that.)
#2 - Women's rights were VERY different! Women's place was in the home to cook and clean
#3 - Corporal punishment, abuse, and beatings were VERY accepted in the household. If the wife or even child upset the husband/father punishment could come VERY quick and brutally! And again it was totally okay in society!

If you look at that what you see is that if the marriage didn't go the way the husband wanted he could simply beat the women in submission. If the women didn't like it there was no out! She couldn't really divorce and she certainly wouldn't leave kids. So yeah divorce rates were extremely low but I think women's self-respect and abilities were low as well. We now live in a society where we have parity in the responsibilities, say and power in relationships which in and of itself can lead to people stating what they want/desire and can lead to divorce if people don't work on it.

Certainly I agree that WAY too many people run to divorce rather than work on their relationship but some people also believe that they shouldn't have to or don't want to leaving one partner asking if that's the way the other is can I or do I want to live the rest of my life that way?

I'm certainly not advocating divorce but I also think that in some cases it is the acceptable and reasonable option....

Also some people say that they will never get divorced. That they will never divorce but also will not put the effort into the relationship because they will never divorce. They do so little that they leave the other partner in a dead marriage, but at least they didn't actually call for the divorce. They just lived that way! Marriage IS WORK! You HAVE to work on it or it will wither and die.

Just my $.02

[LI E90]

She has an "emotional friennd"
7 figures in the bank account? what team are you talking about
the LA Lakers?

[Slke46]

Originally Posted by LI E90

She has an "emotional friennd"
7 figures in the bank account? what team are you talking about
the LA Lakers?

lol... for real!

[rambino]

Originally Posted by DasBlitz

Morality, Religion? WTF oxymoron? You are just as brainwashed my friend. Even more so cus it seems like you think religion will get you through everything. I am willing to bet a shitload of Christians get divorced in america. Where the hell was the will and strength and god there?

Oh let me guess they didnt pray enough or they didnt stick with it enough. Always excuses.

You my friend are obviously deeply upset with religion in general as you make attacks. What you fail to realise is that religion, morality etc is for the greater good... Many people who call themselves christians do not live nor really focus on the basis of their faith so yes many still have divorces they are like sheep just going thru the motions. I am Catholic and when and if I make a vow before God its for good.. And I find it unfortunate that there are other christian relgions that allow divorce though.

If two people marry and live for God together, than the chances of a divorce for greatly decrease, this is a deep rooted ground for a solid relationship as it seeks to remove many of the issues that cause divorce such as infidelity in the OP case..Sexual control also goes along with this in that the focus of sex should be for children, pleasure etc with your wife. Giving this freely to everyone and allowing pornography and such to envelop you greatly takes away from the stability between a couple thru its misuse and direct towards others.

It seems to me you have been brainwashed with confusion from to much religion views from too many angles and therefore have decided to ignore it all. I on the other hand understand and embrace my religion, im no angel by any means but I do intend on marrying someone with the same views, and in this I hope to further a relationship with God together. This is the ultimate formula in my point of view for success..

Eitherway even if I didnt have religion, I would still seek to have it as I would Hate to die and find out that i was wrong in my disbelief and let that emptiness I chose decide eternity.. Eternity is no game to me, I plan on trying to secure it as best as possible.

[rambino]

Otherwise is any new news from the OP?

[Big Windy]

Originally Posted by rambino

Eitherway even if I didnt have religion, I would still seek to have it as I would Hate to die and find out that i was wrong in my disbelief and let that emptiness I chose decide eternity.. Eternity is no game to me, I plan on trying to secure it as best as possible.

why be religious out of fear? it seems to me that if you don't feel it inside then you shouldn't make it up...not saying that you are doing that, but it sounds like that is what you are talking about in your post. if God is forgiving then those who don't believe will hopefully get a last chance to choose.

[Ru$$ell]

you think you got probs? take a look here:

Ok, so last night I got this weird feeling that my girlfriend of 5 weeks is cheating on me. I don't know why I thought this, or how the feeling came up and I don't want to believe it b/c I truly love her to death, she is the best thing that has ever happened to me. She has made me quit smoking pot, made me get rid of my lame friends from high school and before, and has just overall made me a better and more dedicated person.

But this feeling was so strong I couldn't ignore it. It was just one of those gut feelings you get that you can't explain... so I decided to take matters into my own hands and find out for myself what was really going on.

So around 6:45pm I tell my GF Jennifer (we live together) that I'm going over to my buddy Omar's house to Drink & play ps3 for a couple of hours. I do this kinda frequently, usually she lets me go out 1 night a week with my current friends, so she thought nothing of it b/c I hadn't hung out with any of my friends that week so she probably figured I was just using my 1 time a week that she gives me.

I told her that I would be back around 10pm and that if she needed anything (sex?) to just give me a call on the phone and that she could come over to my buddy Omar's place and I could do her real quick. She's really weird with sex and sometimes when I'm hanging out with my friends she will call and tell me to come back home to give her sex, so I do.

Knowing full well that she was probably not going to call b/c I hacked into her voice mailbox and listened to a message with some guy telling her they should hang out on Saturday and that she should try to get some freetime. I listened to that message on Thursday so Friday night I said to her that I was wondering if I could go hang out with my friend Omar on Saturday night. She said she thought that that was ok.

Anyhow, so after leaving at 6:45 from our place, I drive around the block and park my car on the curb. The block twists around and there is another black car owner who parks his car outside all the time, so I parked my car there so no one would think anything of it since that guy had stopped parking outside for the past week.

I got out of my car and walked about 300 yards and crept behind the bush as I watched the house. I waited for about 20 minutes as finally a white Toyota Tacoma pulls into our car port. I couldn't tell if anything was going on but then I see my Gf coming out our front door and she goes over to the truck and gets in.

I run back to my car and turn it on, by now I see them drive North on the street that I live on from the street that Im parked on. SO i put my car in 1st and begin to follow them. I stay about 5 cars length behind them and by now its kinda dark so they can't tell that its me.

I follow them to the local Mall where they begin to circle the parking lot looking for a spot. I know where they are going to park b/c my gf always tells me to pick this 1 spot whenever we go to the mall, which is close to this 1 store she always likes to go to first, and I knew she was gonna do the same thing to this guy, so I put it into 3rd and get to the west corner of the lot where she always has me park and I park about 60 feet from the area. Fortunately there were a fair amount of cars in the lot so I knew I could hide my car in fairly well and they wouldn't notice.

I put my car into park real quick, turn it off, and get out of my car as the rear is up against some bushes so i crouch down behind my rear hatch by my license plate and periodically look up to see whats going on.

Well sure enough they come pulling into the general area where she always likes to park and they put the car into park. I can see perfectly everything that is going on. They looked like they were talking to one another for a minute and finally the passenger side door opens up.

I duck down real quick, and wait for a second, and this is when I notice that my exhaust tips on my car have some wierd rust on it. I try to clean it off with my hand but this stuff is on there hard and wont come off.

Im really concerned that this rust may be permanent and Im wondering if anyone knows of any product that can take the rust off?

I figured I may be able to get something at Craigen or Lowes that removes rust but I hardly go to those places so I have no idea...

[Big Windy]

HAHAHAHA so ridiculous. got me!

[Slke46]

lol... thats hilarious!!!!