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BMW 3-Series (E90 E92) Forum
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I met Jesus this morning.
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04-10-2008, 01:12 PM | #1 |
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I met Jesus this morning.
Dear Jesus,
I saw you this morning on my way to work. You were in an E39 528i. I was in the silver 335i. I needed to merge into the right lane where you were, so I could get onto the freeway. I signaled, and patiently waited, hoping that if anything, Jesus (who is also a fellow BMW brethren apparently) would let me in. But you did not. I was unhappy with you Jesus, I was not trying to cut you off, nor was I being hurried and cutting into the lane at the last minute. Nevertheless, I had to speed up and cut in front of the Civic in front of you, and therefore, he was unhappy too. Where's the love, my lord? We got onto the freeway and I was still aggravated that the Almighty wouldn't let me in. And then I saw you, getting onto this heavily populated freeway full of your followers, redlining that 2.8L I6 to be the first to hit the traffic. I decided that there was plenty of space for me to switch lanes in front of you, especially if you were going with the pace of the traffic around us. I switched lanes in front of you while you were going a little too fast for the amount of cars on the road. You hit your brakes and smirked and shook your head at me - yes, I saw you in my mirror. You have not aged well Jesus, even though your long hair was dyed dark, your speckled gray beard is showing your 2000+ years of age. As you weaved in and out of traffic trying to get ahead of me and traffic, you failed miserably. After what seemed like 50 lane changes in 3 miles, you merged onto the right lane to exit, at the same exit I had to exit at. I was one lane over, and decided to switch lanes in front of you again, still leaving plenty of space between us. You again smirked and shook your head at me. I'm ashamed to say it, but I felt empowered by pwning Jesus. An Audi A4 was also looking to merge in front of you too, so I floored it and gave him space to merge in.... He did, and you smirked and shook your head at him too. By this time you were seemingly quite aggravated, and exited behind us. Once on the 2 lane wide city streets littered with stop lights, you once again tried your damnedest (forgive me my lord, for my language) to get ahead of me once again. You got around the Audi quickly, but you were stuck behind me and there was a pickup truck in the next lane blocking your path to the heavens. Stop light upon stop light you NEARLY got to cut off that pickup truck so you could finally get ahead of me. However, success was always 1/4 of a car length away, and Moses was not here to part the cars. And then the moment came. The light was shining down upon you my lord. You were behind the pickup, tailgating it profusely. I accelerated past the pickup truck and changed lanes in front of it. The right lane was now free of cars. The path to the heavens opened up. As expected, you switched to the right lane, shifted to 2nd, and began wringing out that silky smooth inline 6. I do love that motor, so smooth and linear and still sounds amazing. But wait... I apologize Jesus, for I purposely passed the pickup to let you switch lanes, knowing that up ahead, another truck was turning onto the street into that lane, and that you would get pwn3d once more. My plan worked perfectly, and you got pwn3d by said truck turning onto the street at 7MPH. Unfortunately, he cut you off so badly that I could not see if you smirked and shook your head at him (you probably did). I'm sorry that I had to pwn you so many times Jesus. I really wish you had just slowed down a tad and let me into your lane so I could merge onto the freeway. As I arrived at the office and shut off my car, I smirked, and shook my head and remembered... I'm agnostic.
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CSL replicas are now CSL counterfeits. Jesus saves, like Valentine1.
Last edited by Chowbow; 04-11-2008 at 04:39 PM.. |
04-10-2008, 01:24 PM | #4 |
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wo?!
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04-10-2008, 01:33 PM | #7 |
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Now we know WWJD
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04-10-2008, 01:37 PM | #8 |
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04-10-2008, 01:47 PM | #10 |
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04-10-2008, 02:35 PM | #12 |
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Awww too bad, reading the title i thought you repented or something
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04-10-2008, 02:51 PM | #14 | |
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Quote:
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04-10-2008, 03:23 PM | #16 |
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lol are you referring to jee-zuss or hey-suce?^
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04-10-2008, 03:24 PM | #17 |
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yes. the mexican jesus.
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04-10-2008, 04:23 PM | #19 |
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this story was exactly what i needed among my hours of boredom at work.
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