[Chihuahua]

Originally Posted by ryan stewart

Yeah but the previous one was daddy issues too and I met her IRL.

My buddy is like "just go for women in their 20s for a bit" as he did for a while after being frustrated by upper 30s/low 40s trying to find someone in the same stage of life as well. But I cant imagine Id have fuck all in common with someone in their 20s (other than the obvious).

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you and what part of ATL are you in?

[Alfisti]

TBH some of the issues you guys are having is you're aware of "The Crazy". Sexist it may be but man, a good share of women are irrational nut cases and young guys tend to ignore the warning signs but you guys around 30 are clearly not having any of it.

[Chihuahua]

Originally Posted by Alfisti

TBH some of the issues you guys are having is you're aware of "The Crazy". Sexist it may be but man, a good share of women are irrational nut cases and young guys tend to ignore the warning signs but you guys around 30 are clearly not having any of it.

You're correct; I'm 47, I can spot things from a mile away that I couldn't when I was younger. One MAJOR question you want to ask right away is what kind of relationship your dating prospect had/has with her father, especially when she was younger. If her father wasn't around, who was the strong, stable, masculine presence she had in her life? If you don't get an answer to that line of questioning that you're comfortable with, it's something that should give you pause.

[ASAP]

Originally Posted by Chihuahua

You're correct; I'm 47, I can spot things from a mile away that I couldn't when I was younger. One MAJOR question you want to ask right away is what kind of relationship your dating prospect had/has with her father, especially when she was younger. If her father wasn't around, who was the strong, stable, masculine presence she had in her life? If you don't get an answer to that line of questioning that you're comfortable with, it's something that should give you pause.

If I was a girl... I am not sure these are things I'd want to talk about when I just met you

[Soul_Glo]

[Chihuahua]

Originally Posted by ASAP

If I was a girl... I am not sure these are things I'd want to talk about when I just met you

Maybe not at the point where you first meet someone, but certainly on the first or second date. You just casually ask "so tell me about your family". She'll give you some info, you offer some up in return, etc. It definitely needs to be part of the conversation very early on. If she's interested in you and has a good head on her shoulders she'll want to know these things about you too.

[ASAP]

Originally Posted by Chihuahua

Maybe not at the point where you first meet someone, but certainly on the first or second date. You just casually ask "so tell me about your family". She'll give you some info, you offer some up in return, etc. It definitely needs to be part of the conversation very early on. If she's interested in you and has a good head on her shoulders she'll want to know these things about you too.

So I have a story-

I went on a date with a girl a few months ago. We met at a bar and all she had was water, no alcohol. Seemed real nice to me... and if you don't want to drink alcohol that's perfectly fine with me (but... I also always see it as somewhat of a redflag if you don't have even 1 drink).

Was there some trauma, alcoholism etc?

So we got to talking about her family and it turned out she doesn't drink at all because her step dad died of alcoholism and her "real dad" was never there.

Was she a good girl? She very well may have been (we didn't click for other reasons)... but was her not having 1 drink maybe a sign of another even deeper trauma? Does it hold another red flag?

I don't know... point being is that was a warning to me... so these discussions aren't always easy and sometimes can't happen early on.

[Chihuahua]

Originally Posted by ASAP

So I have a story-

I went on a date with a girl a few months ago. We met at a bar and all she had was water, no alcohol. Seemed real nice to me... and if you don't want to drink alcohol that's perfectly fine with me (but... I also always see it as somewhat of a redflag if you don't have even 1 drink).

Was there some trauma, alcoholism etc?

So we got to talking about her family and it turned out she doesn't drink at all because her step dad died of alcoholism and her "real dad" was never there.

Was she a good girl? She very well may have been (we didn't click for other reasons)... but was her not having 1 drink maybe a sign of another even deeper trauma? Does it hold another red flag?

I don't know... point being is that was a warning to me... so these discussions aren't always easy and sometimes can't happen early on.

Sounds to me like you vetted her perfectly. Even if she checked multiple boxes, you like to have a drink now and then and she has an aversion. This is the type of little thing that becomes a big thing down the road. Sometimes discussions like this aren't easy, but they're almost always necessary.

[ASAP]

Originally Posted by Chihuahua

Sounds to me like you vetted her perfectly. Even if she checked multiple boxes, you like to have a drink now and then and she has an aversion. This is the type of little thing that becomes a big thing down the road. Sometimes discussions like this aren't easy, but they're almost always necessary.

right... but is that something petty and may a decent girl have gotten away?

Point is... if everyone is this picky... i.e. the women... no one is ever meeting anyone lol... and based on the comments here about the apps... this seems to hold very true.

[ryan stewart]

Originally Posted by Chihuahua

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you and what part of ATL are you in?

42 and Smyrna but right on the Hooch so I do everything ITP. The girls I've gone out with all lived ITP.

[ryan stewart]

Originally Posted by Alfisti

TBH some of the issues you guys are having is you're aware of "The Crazy". Sexist it may be but man, a good share of women are irrational nut cases and young guys tend to ignore the warning signs but you guys around 30 are clearly not having any of it.

I haven't had a lot of experience. I was in a cohabitation situation for a decade before being released to the wild. The last long one was the friend of a friend and I definitely ignored warning signs because she was a living barbie doll who was a legit nympho. I basically tolerated it until it turned violent because I was constantly dehydrated. Her dad died when she was 8 though so she has HORRIBLE abandoned issues. Essentially any time we got serious she would lose her mind and sabotage it.

This one seemed far more chill, the family history didn't come out until later and it coincided with her basically shutting down during a mild dispute. She admitted her dad was an abusive alcoholic. He didn't die though and they reconciled, so who knows. No signs of extreme behavior though, just runs away

She is back online and we're supposed to hang out tomorrow.

[ryan stewart]

Originally Posted by ASAP

If I was a girl... I am not sure these are things I'd want to talk about when I just met you

Yeah, but he isn't wrong. I guess we just need a tactical way to ask it.

[shimmy23]

one things for sure; there's always another fish in the sea. men can and should be selective too. throw her back. another will come. there are still plenty good ones out there... although i will say less of them as they get older. mid 30s-40s and still single... better ask yourself why.

[eluded]

Originally Posted by shimmy23

one things for sure; there's always another fish in the sea. men can and should be selective too. throw her back. another will come. there are still plenty good ones out there... although i will say less of them as they get older. mid 30s-40s and still single... better ask yourself why.

Those big fish are rare. They’re hard to catch and all of the skilled anglers are doing everything they can to land them. It’s all about supply and demand.

[Soul_Glo]

Originally Posted by ASAP

right... but is that something petty and may a decent girl have gotten away?

Point is... if everyone is this picky... i.e. the women... no one is ever meeting anyone lol... and based on the comments here about the apps... this seems to hold very true.

Let that marinade. Anyhow, you never know.. despite not having at least one drink.. she might have been okay with you drinking. The one that got away? Who knows. So long as she didn’t sit there and tell you that you should stop and she never wants to be with someone who has a drink then it’s okay. It’s like people know.. not everyone is going to be a virgin. No one is perfect.

I have a few heavy drinking uncles (my dad’s brothers). Some have followed in their father’s footsteps and drink themselves to oblivion at times. Some have seen an entire family torn apart by alcohol. They don’t drink but they live with people who do.

As long as she didn’t make a big deal.. and cut you off because of it.. it’s worth seeing where it might go. Sometimes the right girl can change a man. Your drinking might decrease as you enjoy her company so much.. who knows. I think it’s worth meeting her again and just see where it goes.

[ryan stewart]

Yeah Id totally date a non-drinker as long as they were totally cool with ME drinking because I think I get legit drunk 4x a year and sloppy once every few years (usually cocktails when hosting a party, I can never tell how much is in one). But you do have to know the why, I did know a guy who tried with this one gal (they met IRL BTW) and she would act like having a beer when he got home was domestic abuse. Turns out her dad was an akly and that is why her mom left him ages ago.

One challenge for me is I cant be too picky on the messy family life because mine was messy; dad left mom before I could remember, likely cheating, they hated each other, didn't really have much of a relationship with him until I was 15, but stepdad was awesome. And because these chicks I seem to draw in are bad asses at literally every other factor of life, maybe they compensate for the insecurity by kicking a ton of ass.

But, yeah, no more dead dads for sure.

[ryan stewart]

Originally Posted by shimmy23

one things for sure; there's always another fish in the sea. men can and should be selective too. throw her back. another will come. there are still plenty good ones out there... although i will say less of them as they get older. mid 30s-40s and still single... better ask yourself why.

They could say the same about us...

I mean, I cohabitated for a decade but never married no kids, so Id think that would be a red flag for a lot of women.

[ASAP]

Originally Posted by Soul_Glo

Let that marinade. Anyhow, you never know.. despite not having at least one drink.. she might have been okay with you drinking. The one that got away? Who knows. So long as she didn’t sit there and tell you that you should stop and she never wants to be with someone who has a drink then it’s okay. It’s like people know.. not everyone is going to be a virgin. No one is perfect.

I have a few heavy drinking uncles (my dad’s brothers). Some have followed in their father’s footsteps and drink themselves to oblivion at times. Some have seen an entire family torn apart by alcohol. They don’t drink but they live with people who do.

As long as she didn’t make a big deal.. and cut you off because of it.. it’s worth seeing where it might go. Sometimes the right girl can change a man. Your drinking might decrease as you enjoy her company so much.. who knows. I think it’s worth meeting her again and just see where it goes.

Oh I agree with you 100%... we didn't click for other reasons... but this was not an excluder of her for me... I just wanted to understand the "why" and I got my answer which made sense.

[Chihuahua]

Originally Posted by ryan stewart

42 and Smyrna but right on the Hooch so I do everything ITP. The girls I've gone out with all lived ITP.

Cool. I'm 47, up in Alpharetta. There are some interesting people here to say the least.

[ryan stewart]

Originally Posted by Chihuahua

Cool. I'm 47, up in Alpharetta. There are some interesting people here to say the least.

If I extended my profile to go that far out that is where the "Lets go Brandon" shirts and "Unvaxxed men only" profiles started showing up....



I run in the city mainly, where the challenge is finding someone my own age. I tend to run around with people in the mid 30s (current girl from Bumble is as well) just because they share the same lifestyle (other than the luxuries being old comes with, like home ownership and other forms of personal wealth).

You should bring your modded E30 to Pops Coffee (Roswell) sometime Im heading out there on the way to the mountains, would be interesting to see it. I had an S50E30 before getting into bikes.

[FullFatDoom]

Come for the Tinder stories, stay for the budding bromance here

[Chihuahua]

Originally Posted by ryan stewart

You should bring your modded E30 to Pops Coffee (Roswell) sometime Im heading out there on the way to the mountains, would be interesting to see it. I had an S50E30 before getting into bikes.

Let me know when you're there next, Pop's is one of my favorite coffee spots in town. I work remotely and hit it about one per month.