[MoreCowbell]

…It’s Friday…and here at the site of my latest project, that means it’s “Throw Caution to the Wind Day” day in the cafeteria.



What does that mean you ask???



Well…in addition to the normal selection of soups, sandwiches, hot entrees and “Healthy Options”, this cafeteria offers…what they call…the “Fun Bar”.



And fun it is!!!



This thing is like a bulimics version of a strip club. It’s Disney Land for the Morbidly Obese.



What’s offered you ask???



-Cheeseburger Sliders

-Cheese Poppers

-Chicken Fingers

-Buffalo Wings

-Teriyaki Wings

-Honey Mustard Wings

-Mozzarella Sticks

-Fries

-Curly Fries

-Macaroni Salad

-Mac N Cheese

-Onion Rings



-And pretty much any other artery clogging, ass expanding, ghetto-super-snack you can think of.



Now, I’m not about to sit here and tell you I haven’t partaken in the “Fried Gloriousness” in the past, I have. But not today & hopefully never again (Why? Because it’s leads to what I now refer to as ‘Fun Bar 3 O’clock Explosion’ but that’s a conversation for another time).



As I stood awaiting the “Sandwich-Immigrant” to toast my whole-wheat bread before the INS stormed the cafeteria and sent her to one paying in Pesos, in walks a woman I’ll refer to as Fatty McFatty.



Now…don’t think for one second that Fatty McFatty didn’t know what day it was. I’ll promise you that she has the “Fun Bar” clearly marked on her calendar along with Weddings, Anniversaries, Bar Mitzvahs and the unveiling of the new McDonalds dollar menu.



I would have bet my not-yet-conceived children that she was headed over to the buffet with a shovel and wheel-barrel, but alas I was wrong. As I stood there, dumfounded, I heard Fatty McFatty speak to her normally proportioned co-worker.



“I’m going to have the Chili Bar” she said.



As I was calculating the amount she just saved the National Medicare fund, she let’s fly with another doozy…



“And I’m gonna be good!!! I’m gonna have the Turkey Chili”



Now I’m just shocked. I’d have been less surprised if the crew of “Ex’Convict” Cafeteria Chef’s tried to show me what they call “Abner Louima Justice”. I mean her lunch selection was both Judicious and Nutritious. I was beaming with pride.



But it was short-lived.



With one arm violently flopping around like “Oprah-in-an-orgy” she grabbed a liter of Mountain Dew. With the other “Sequoia-Like” arm she grabbed what would be her Chili-Holder…a great big, white bread bowl!!!



But she stuck to her word…she went with the Turkey Chili all-right!!! A whole Tea-Spoon worth, or so it seemed. And with that she rolled over to the toppings bar…



At this point her arms going faster than R-Kelly’s eyes at a Pre-School Playground. Scoops and scoops of cheese. Enough Sour Cream that you would have thought an elephant had ejaculated on her tray.



I thought she was done. I thought she her Aorta might have had a chance to survive the weekend. I was ready to hand her a beach towel to use as a napkin and send her on her way. But again, I was wrong.



In an unprecedented, unheard of, unparalleled display of utter fatness and personal disregard, and in a final slap to good sense, she asked the guy behind the counter for…



“The LID to the bread bowl and some butter.”



Have a nice weekend!!!

[Blake]

[MadDog]

Fatty McFatty FTW !!!

[RBBMWE46M3]

wow

[Tondtar]

just lost appetite for my own Friday lunch