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      10-29-2014, 06:25 PM   #89
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Originally Posted by leJUNd View Post
I had some skin condition when I was a baby so they couldn't circumcise me at birth.
I think there are health benefits to not having foreskin.
There are, it is cleaner overall, and you are less prone to STDs especially HIV. I guess I can see doing it later on if you couldn't at birth. But thinking about it gives me the willies, (no pun intended)
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      10-29-2014, 07:05 PM   #90
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Somewhat on and off topic as we're slightly derailing to awkward stuff...

There's a viral video going around with this lady that was in the hospital because she was still having orgasms hours after sex. It was some rare condition were she could not stop having orgasms. It was funny at first but I started feeling sad for her

I may or may not look for the video...
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      10-29-2014, 08:42 PM   #91
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Originally Posted by leJUNd View Post
Did they give you a cup with a whole cut out to put around your dick? shit didn't help at all
THey did and it didn't help on 1st two days.
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      10-29-2014, 08:46 PM   #92
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FwdFtl View Post
Somewhat on and off topic as we're slightly derailing to awkward stuff...

There's a viral video going around with this lady that was in the hospital because she was still having orgasms hours after sex. It was some rare condition were she could not stop having orgasms. It was funny at first but I started feeling sad for her

I may or may not look for the video...
After a while, I just said "you know what, let's take you to the hospital. Sorry for being so good."
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      10-30-2014, 03:54 AM   #93
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Originally Posted by leJUNd View Post
More embarrassing and traumatic than awkward but... I had my penis circumcised when i was in 5th grade. After months of arguing with my parents that I liked my penis the way it was... in the end, it didn't matter what I wanted.
I was in the recovery after surgery and when I woke up, I was surrounded by group of middle aged women just staring at my freshly circumcised penis like it was some medical experiment. This was in the 90's in Korea so I guess patient privacy didn't really exist... but what kind of a fucking hospital lets random strangers huddle up around 12 year old's dick???
Add to the fucked up experience... my mom just left me there. I had to fucking walk home with freshly cut and stitched up penis. Awkwardly walking home, I was praying I didn't meet anyone I knew... but life is cruel. I met a bunch of kids from school... They chased me around and tried to punch my dick.
Oh man..
I had mine a bit younger when I was in Canada - don't remember any of it but I think i got to stay home for a while.
That must have been traumatic - esp. having to 'walk it off' it's no small matter because it must have hurt like hell.
A friend had it older around - I could tell he did not like it one bit.
I just wish they left more skin.
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      10-30-2014, 03:09 PM   #94
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I could have sworn i've shared this in a similar thread.....

I was selling a bunch of crap on Ebay a while back. I was carrying around boxes and some of the stuff i was selling so that i could stop by a UPS store to ship the items as they sold.

So one of them sells and i go in to a UPS store to ship it. The clerk working the counter was a really hot chick. She didn't seem up for any small talk though. After weighing and paying for the shipping it came time to button up the package and apply the label. My Ebay reputation is 100 positive and i think that's largely because i package everything i sell very well to ensure it arrives unharmed.

So the clerk takes the box i brought in, pulls out the packing bubbles, puts the item in the box and begins to tape it up. Of course i go to stop her and ask if i can do that myself. Except i use these words..... "Umm, sorry. Do you mind if i do that? I'm kind of an anal packer."

Seems like hours went by before i could get out the phrase, "that didn't sound very good". At which point I thought it was funny and that we were going to share a good laugh about it. But this chick had a personality that matched a box of rocks. Didn't even crack a smile, even though i could barely stop laughing. Bout every 30 seconds after the incident, i had those quiet, but uncontrollable laughs. I can only assume she just didn't get it or something.
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      10-30-2014, 04:01 PM   #95
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr Tonka View Post
I could have sworn i've shared this in a similar thread.....

I was selling a bunch of crap on Ebay a while back. I was carrying around boxes and some of the stuff i was selling so that i could stop by a UPS store to ship the items as they sold.

So one of them sells and i go in to a UPS store to ship it. The clerk working the counter was a really hot chick. She didn't seem up for any small talk though. After weighing and paying for the shipping it came time to button up the package and apply the label. My Ebay reputation is 100 positive and i think that's largely because i package everything i sell very well to ensure it arrives unharmed.

So the clerk takes the box i brought in, pulls out the packing bubbles, puts the item in the box and begins to tape it up. Of course i go to stop her and ask if i can do that myself. Except i use these words..... "Umm, sorry. Do you mind if i do that? I'm kind of an anal packer."

Seems like hours went by before i could get out the phrase, "that didn't sound very good". At which point I thought it was funny and that we were going to share a good laugh about it. But this chick had a personality that matched a box of rocks. Didn't even crack a smile, even though i could barely stop laughing. Bout every 30 seconds after the incident, i had those quiet, but uncontrollable laughs. I can only assume she just didn't get it or something.
That's crazy because you did share this in some other thread because I started reading it and I already knew how it ended.

Uh oh, it's pretty bad when I know an internet strangers stories ahead of time
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      10-30-2014, 04:23 PM   #96
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FwdFtl
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr Tonka View Post
I could have sworn i've shared this in a similar thread.....

I was selling a bunch of crap on Ebay a while back. I was carrying around boxes and some of the stuff i was selling so that i could stop by a UPS store to ship the items as they sold.

So one of them sells and i go in to a UPS store to ship it. The clerk working the counter was a really hot chick. She didn't seem up for any small talk though. After weighing and paying for the shipping it came time to button up the package and apply the label. My Ebay reputation is 100 positive and i think that's largely because i package everything i sell very well to ensure it arrives unharmed.

So the clerk takes the box i brought in, pulls out the packing bubbles, puts the item in the box and begins to tape it up. Of course i go to stop her and ask if i can do that myself. Except i use these words..... "Umm, sorry. Do you mind if i do that? I'm kind of an anal packer."

Seems like hours went by before i could get out the phrase, "that didn't sound very good". At which point I thought it was funny and that we were going to share a good laugh about it. But this chick had a personality that matched a box of rocks. Didn't even crack a smile, even though i could barely stop laughing. Bout every 30 seconds after the incident, i had those quiet, but uncontrollable laughs. I can only assume she just didn't get it or something.
That's crazy because you did share this in some other thread because I started reading it and I already knew how it ended.

Uh oh, it's pretty bad when I know an internet strangers stories ahead of time
See if he'll agree to move it to the "how to tell you're getting older" thread. Repeating the same story is a sure sign
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      10-30-2014, 05:37 PM   #97
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I kid you not.
I went to this girl's placfe. Her place was very clean.

I said "Should I take my pants off?"

I meant to say shoes.
It was awkward, and I just took my shoes off without a single flinch. I just pretend that it was shoes by taking the shoes off. Closest I've been to her all day/night was about 1.5'
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      10-30-2014, 06:26 PM   #98
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr Tonka View Post
I could have sworn i've shared this in a similar thread.....
"anal packer"

Quote:
Originally Posted by wrickem View Post
See if he'll agree to move it to the "how to tell you're getting older" thread. Repeating the same story is a sure sign
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      10-30-2014, 08:24 PM   #99
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When you're friend is all happy because the hot chick at the strip club "actually likes him". How do I break it to you that they just want the $. He doesn't understand that game.

awkward!
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      10-30-2014, 11:15 PM   #100
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FwdFtl View Post
That's crazy because you did share this in some other thread because I started reading it and I already knew how it ended.

Uh oh, it's pretty bad when I know an internet strangers stories ahead of time
I knew it!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by wrickem View Post
See if he'll agree to move it to the "how to tell you're getting older" thread. Repeating the same story is a sure sign
Older or lazier? I could have searched my previous posts....

Quote:
Originally Posted by upstatedoc View Post
"anal packer"



Every once in a while a friend of mine who has heard that story references it and it takes me a few seconds to realize what they are talking about. I told a lot of people. So maybe FwdFtl heard it from someone who heard it from someone who heard it from someone who heard it from someone who heard it from me?
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      12-09-2014, 02:03 PM   #101
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Last week, my girlfriend had a military Christmas ball that she invited me to as her date (she's a nurse in the navy). I gladly tagged along, it sounded pretty exciting to me. Little did I know it would be the shittiest day of my life.

After some photos and catching up with her work buddies, we took our seats in the ballroom of a hotel for dinner. There were approximately 1,100 people total there, and about 10 sitting at each table. I sat next to my girlfriend and a high-ranked officer. I didn't think much of it, to be honest, I wasn't particularly familiar with military ranking and such, but had a general idea. I struck a conversation with the gentleman, and we started talking, and drinking a beer. Then, for whatever reason, my stomach starting KILLING me. There was an excruciating pain in the lower part of my stomach, around my bladder area. I got up and went to the bathroom. To my relief, it was just a violent fart (silent but deadly) and I let it rip. I returned to the table, much more relaxed.

10 minutes later, same deal. Pain in my lower stomach region. I knew it was a silent one, but the smell of the previous violent fart was absolutely deadly, so I chose to get up and leave for the bathroom again. Same deal. I may have knocked out the gentleman next to me in the stall, because I believe he keeled over while sitting on the toilet as I was leaving. The smell was that bad.

I returned to the table, and my girlfriend checked in with me if I was OK. "Hell yeah, baby, I'm gucci" I replied, oblivious as to what I was in for that lovely evening. Literally 3 minutes later, same pain. Ughh, wtf. I didn't want to get up and leave again, I would just seem weird to the people at the table. So, I elected to hold it in and judge where it goes from there. The gas was at the point where it's near the end of your asshole, so you have to clench your ass cheeks extra tight to hold it in. As I was doing so, I managed to knock over the red wine glass next to me, right on the uniform of the officer sitting next to me. It was completely full, and I felt so bad because it stained the hell out of his pants. I apologized several times, but I knew he was pretty pissed. I tried to clear that out of my mind, and continue with the night.

My violent farts subsided for dinner, and I enjoyed the hell out of that chicken breast and bullshit Dunkin Donuts bran muffin they served to us like we were in a homeless shelter. 10-15 minutes following dinner, the highest-ranked officer(?) of Walter Reed started walking around and talking with the various tables. Not sure of his position, but I knew he was in the highest position (my apologies for my ignorance in military ranking). As he approached our table, everyone stood up to shake his hand. I was completely zoned out and my girlfriend tapped me on my shoulder indicating me to get up. Whoops. At this point, everyone at the table happened to all be staring at me. What's worse? The second I get up...violent fart. And this son of a bitch was an awful one. Silent but VERY deadly. Oh shit. Here approaches the officer. Shit shit shit. The second I reach out to grip his hand, he smells it. The indescribable look on his face can never, and should never be replicated by any man walking on this planet. I'm surprised he was still conscious after taking a whiff of that digested Dunkin Donuts bran muffin and chicken breast.

The second he walked away, I dashed off to the bathroom in embarrassment. As I was walking, I felt another sharp pain, this time in my anal region. Figuring it was just another fart, I entered the stall and let it rip. Let me tell you, it certainly was not a fart. It was a long, steamy, thick poop, that came out about three-quarters of the way. I quickly yanked my pants down, and let it go. Ahh, yes relief. This was it! This was what I was waiting for all night! I felt so damned relieved and excited leaving the restroom, spectators could have confused me for just winning the lottery!

Wait, wait, one final sharp pain began boiling in my lower stomach, the fart region. There were several individuals standing around near the restroom, so I decided not to turn around and go back in (to minimize the chances of letting it rip in their presence and having to walk back past them after visiting the restroom), but rather figured I would do one of the old, "step-fart-step-fart" dances as I walked back to the ballroom. I approached several couples standing and taking pictures near a Christmas tree. WHAT THE HELL? This fart could no longer wait. I knew it had to be done. I used what I learned in elementary math, regarding angles and shit, and figured it would be best to walk in this direction while letting it rip, as it would be a silent one again:



I didn't realize that I just took a dump, so it would not be a silent one any longer! I let it rip, and the mortified look on everyone's face was truly enthralling. No, really, I felt like an angel momentarily, splitting between the couples, all eyes on me. I was so embarrassed at that moment, I literally became delusional. I must have hit above 100 decibels with that one, even the Christmas tree aged and might have died due to environmental pollution caused by my gas.

I walked back into the ballroom, and took a seat next to the officer with a now red-dyed uniform. I got so drunk that night at a bar, I didn't realize I was conversing with one of the victims to my deadly farts, until my girlfriend told me his wife may or may not have vomited to the stench of the gas.

I like to think she did not.
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      12-09-2014, 02:17 PM   #102
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Wait, squishy, you don't take supplements while working out, do you? That's usually where those kind of stories originate.
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      12-09-2014, 02:20 PM   #103
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UncleWede View Post
Wait, squishy, you don't take supplements while working out, do you? That's usually where those kind of stories originate.
I don't take supplements, but eat more than 250g of protein, so that tends to cause a lot of gas
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      12-09-2014, 02:22 PM   #104
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That expose was so well written I applaud you and in fact will nominate it for a Pulitzer. Factual and riveting!
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      12-09-2014, 02:45 PM   #105
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Quote:
Originally Posted by squishy View Post
Last week, my girlfriend had a military Christmas ball that she invited me to as her date (she's a nurse in the navy). I gladly tagged along, it sounded pretty exciting to me. Little did I know it would be the shittiest day of my life.
You're not the guy who was with the hot brunette chick in the strapless red dress, are you???!!!
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      12-09-2014, 03:51 PM   #106
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Too many words, I hope the picture was enough clarification.


Everybody farts. I would dutch oven my ex all the time. She kept holding her farts when we first met, and I was like, bruh why you hold that stuff in? You have gas for a reason, open box two and release the fucking kraken already.
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      12-09-2014, 03:53 PM   #107
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That story deserves a prize in literature... i laughed for 5 minutes. We've all been there man, it's Ok!
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      12-09-2014, 04:02 PM   #108
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I have Gastro Intestinal stories for days but there is too many just to pick one... I gotta have IBS.
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      12-09-2014, 04:13 PM   #109
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Intergalactic boner syndrome?
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      12-09-2014, 05:20 PM   #110
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Quote:
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You're not the guy who was with the hot brunette chick in the strapless red dress, are you???!!!
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