I met Jesus this morning.

Chowbow · 04-10-2008, 01:12 PM

Dear Jesus,

I saw you this morning on my way to work. You were in an E39 528i. I was in the silver 335i. I needed to merge into the right lane where you were, so I could get onto the freeway. I signaled, and patiently waited, hoping that if anything, Jesus (who is also a fellow BMW brethren apparently) would let me in. But you did not.

I was unhappy with you Jesus, I was not trying to cut you off, nor was I being hurried and cutting into the lane at the last minute. Nevertheless, I had to speed up and cut in front of the Civic in front of you, and therefore, he was unhappy too. Where's the love, my lord?

We got onto the freeway and I was still aggravated that the Almighty wouldn't let me in. And then I saw you, getting onto this heavily populated freeway full of your followers, redlining that 2.8L I6 to be the first to hit the traffic. I decided that there was plenty of space for me to switch lanes in front of you, especially if you were going with the pace of the traffic around us. I switched lanes in front of you while you were going a little too fast for the amount of cars on the road. You hit your brakes and smirked and shook your head at me - yes, I saw you in my mirror. You have not aged well Jesus, even though your long hair was dyed dark, your speckled gray beard is showing your 2000+ years of age.

As you weaved in and out of traffic trying to get ahead of me and traffic, you failed miserably. After what seemed like 50 lane changes in 3 miles, you merged onto the right lane to exit, at the same exit I had to exit at. I was one lane over, and decided to switch lanes in front of you again, still leaving plenty of space between us. You again smirked and shook your head at me. I'm ashamed to say it, but I felt empowered by pwning Jesus. An Audi A4 was also looking to merge in front of you too, so I floored it and gave him space to merge in.... He did, and you smirked and shook your head at him too.

By this time you were seemingly quite aggravated, and exited behind us. Once on the 2 lane wide city streets littered with stop lights, you once again tried your damnedest (forgive me my lord, for my language) to get ahead of me once again. You got around the Audi quickly, but you were stuck behind me and there was a pickup truck in the next lane blocking your path to the heavens. Stop light upon stop light you NEARLY got to cut off that pickup truck so you could finally get ahead of me. However, success was always 1/4 of a car length away, and Moses was not here to part the cars.

And then the moment came. The light was shining down upon you my lord. You were behind the pickup, tailgating it profusely. I accelerated past the pickup truck and changed lanes in front of it. The right lane was now free of cars. The path to the heavens opened up. As expected, you switched to the right lane, shifted to 2nd, and began wringing out that silky smooth inline 6. I do love that motor, so smooth and linear and still sounds amazing. But wait...

I apologize Jesus, for I purposely passed the pickup to let you switch lanes, knowing that up ahead, another truck was turning onto the street into that lane, and that you would get pwn3d once more. My plan worked perfectly, and you got pwn3d by said truck turning onto the street at 7MPH. Unfortunately, he cut you off so badly that I could not see if you smirked and shook your head at him (you probably did).

I'm sorry that I had to pwn you so many times Jesus. I really wish you had just slowed down a tad and let me into your lane so I could merge onto the freeway. As I arrived at the office and shut off my car, I smirked, and shook my head and remembered... I'm agnostic.

bobver · 04-10-2008, 01:17 PM

Amen

jdink · 04-10-2008, 01:18 PM

wtf

PAKMAN · 04-10-2008, 01:24 PM

wo?!

Yardape · 04-10-2008, 01:29 PM

Chowbow · 04-10-2008, 01:31 PM

I wish I took a picture of him. The dude looked just like Jesus.

CRZ410S · 04-10-2008, 01:33 PM

Now we know WWJD

Scarecrows25 · 04-10-2008, 01:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CRZ410S

Now we know WWJD

You'd think Jesus would have an M5...

ironjw · 04-10-2008, 01:45 PM

+1 amen brother

Neema · 04-10-2008, 01:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobver

Amen

haha

MadDog · 04-10-2008, 02:29 PM

Yep, you're going straight to HELL

j/k Good story, though....

uabimmer · 04-10-2008, 02:35 PM

Awww too bad, reading the title i thought you repented or something

phatr1s · 04-10-2008, 02:42 PM

is that what happen when you smoke crack? :-)

Year's_End · 04-10-2008, 02:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chowbow

Dear Jesus,

I saw you this morning on my way to work. You were in an E39 528i. I was in the silver 335i. I needed to merge into the right lane where you were, so I could get onto the freeway. I signaled, and patiently waited, hoping that if anything, Jesus (who is also a fellow BMW brethren apparently) would let me in. But you did not.

I was unhappy with you Jesus, I was not trying to cut you off, nor was I being hurried and cutting into the lane at the last minute. Nevertheless, I had to speed up and cut in front of the Civic in front of you, and therefore, he was unhappy too. Where's the love, my lord?

We got onto the freeway and I was still aggravated that the Almighty wouldn't let me in. And then I saw you, getting onto this heavily populated freeway full of your followers, redlining that 2.8L V6 to be the first to hit the traffic. I decided that there was plenty of space for me to switch lanes in front of you, especially if you were going with the pace of the traffic around us. I switched lanes in front of you while you were going a little too fast for the amount of cars on the road. You hit your brakes and smirked and shook your head at me - yes, I saw you in my mirror. You have not aged well Jesus, even though your long hair was dyed dark, your speckled gray beard is showing your 2000+ years of age.

As you weaved in and out of traffic trying to get ahead of me and traffic, you failed miserably. After what seemed like 50 lane changes in 3 miles, you merged onto the right lane to exit, at the same exit I had to exit at. I was one lane over, and decided to switch lanes in front of you again, still leaving plenty of space between us. You again smirked and shook your head at me. I'm ashamed to say it, but I felt empowered by pwning Jesus. An Audi A4 was also looking to merge in front of you too, so I floored it and gave him space to merge in.... He did, and you smirked and shook your head at him too.

By this time you were seemingly quite aggravated, and exited behind us. Once on the 2 lane wide city streets littered with stop lights, you once again tried your damnedest (forgive me my lord, for my language) to get ahead of me once again. You got around the Audi quickly, but you were stuck behind me and there was a pickup truck in the next lane blocking your path to the heavens. Stop light upon stop light you NEARLY got to cut off that pickup truck so you could finally get ahead of me. However, success was always 1/4 of a car length away, and Moses was not here to part the cars.

And then the moment came. The light was shining down upon you my lord. You were behind the pickup, tailgating it profusely. I accelerated past the pickup truck and changed lanes in front of it. The right lane was now free of cars. The path to the heavens opened up. As expected, you switched to the right lane, shifted to 2nd, and began wringing out that silky smooth inline 6. I do love that motor, so smooth and linear and still sounds amazing. But wait...

I apologize Jesus, for I purposely passed the pickup to let you switch lanes, knowing that up ahead, another truck was turning onto the street into that lane, and that you would get pwn3d once more. My plan worked perfectly, and you got pwn3d by said truck turning onto the street at 7MPH. Unfortunately, he cut you off so badly that I could not see if you smirked and shook your head at him (you probably did).

I'm sorry that I had to pwn you so many times Jesus. I really wish you had just slowed down a tad and let me into your lane so I could merge onto the freeway. As I arrived at the office and shut off my car, I smirked, and shook my head and remembered... I'm agnostic.

Man EPIC story! Seriously, you should submit this to the Roundel or something. I love it when people try to desperately get ahead of you and you just drive calmly and smoothly, watching their futile attempts.

stooken · 04-10-2008, 03:17 PM

LOL i see jesus every day in my cafeteria

Year's_End · 04-10-2008, 03:23 PM

lol are you referring to jee-zuss or hey-suce?^

stooken · 04-10-2008, 03:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bimmer Loyalist

lol are you referring to jee-zuss or hey-suce?^

yes. the mexican jesus.

Neurorad · 04-10-2008, 03:27 PM

I could be wrong, but maybe it was just a long-haired hippy, and not the almighty?

nightkhan · 04-10-2008, 04:23 PM

this story was exactly what i needed among my hours of boredom at work.

LOLrance · 04-10-2008, 04:41 PM

cliff notes? im too lazy to read all of that but i want to know how jesus looks like.

Chowbow · 04-10-2008, 05:01 PM

Jesus drives a 5 series, and drives like an a-hole.
End.

mkeds · 04-10-2008, 05:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stooken

yes. the mexican jesus.

I dont think thats what he meant

04-10-2008, 01:12 PM	#1
Chowbow pew pew 166 Rep 6,781 Posts Drives: 三三五i Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: CA iTrader: (6) Garage List 2015 BMW 328i wagon [0.00] 2007 BMW 335i sedan [10.00] 1997 BMW 328i track ... [10.00]	I met Jesus this morning. Dear Jesus, I saw you this morning on my way to work. You were in an E39 528i. I was in the silver 335i. I needed to merge into the right lane where you were, so I could get onto the freeway. I signaled, and patiently waited, hoping that if anything, Jesus (who is also a fellow BMW brethren apparently) would let me in. But you did not. I was unhappy with you Jesus, I was not trying to cut you off, nor was I being hurried and cutting into the lane at the last minute. Nevertheless, I had to speed up and cut in front of the Civic in front of you, and therefore, he was unhappy too. Where's the love, my lord? We got onto the freeway and I was still aggravated that the Almighty wouldn't let me in. And then I saw you, getting onto this heavily populated freeway full of your followers, redlining that 2.8L I6 to be the first to hit the traffic. I decided that there was plenty of space for me to switch lanes in front of you, especially if you were going with the pace of the traffic around us. I switched lanes in front of you while you were going a little too fast for the amount of cars on the road. You hit your brakes and smirked and shook your head at me - yes, I saw you in my mirror. You have not aged well Jesus, even though your long hair was dyed dark, your speckled gray beard is showing your 2000+ years of age. As you weaved in and out of traffic trying to get ahead of me and traffic, you failed miserably. After what seemed like 50 lane changes in 3 miles, you merged onto the right lane to exit, at the same exit I had to exit at. I was one lane over, and decided to switch lanes in front of you again, still leaving plenty of space between us. You again smirked and shook your head at me. I'm ashamed to say it, but I felt empowered by pwning Jesus. An Audi A4 was also looking to merge in front of you too, so I floored it and gave him space to merge in.... He did, and you smirked and shook your head at him too. By this time you were seemingly quite aggravated, and exited behind us. Once on the 2 lane wide city streets littered with stop lights, you once again tried your damnedest (forgive me my lord, for my language) to get ahead of me once again. You got around the Audi quickly, but you were stuck behind me and there was a pickup truck in the next lane blocking your path to the heavens. Stop light upon stop light you NEARLY got to cut off that pickup truck so you could finally get ahead of me. However, success was always 1/4 of a car length away, and Moses was not here to part the cars. And then the moment came. The light was shining down upon you my lord. You were behind the pickup, tailgating it profusely. I accelerated past the pickup truck and changed lanes in front of it. The right lane was now free of cars. The path to the heavens opened up. As expected, you switched to the right lane, shifted to 2nd, and began wringing out that silky smooth inline 6. I do love that motor, so smooth and linear and still sounds amazing. But wait... I apologize Jesus, for I purposely passed the pickup to let you switch lanes, knowing that up ahead, another truck was turning onto the street into that lane, and that you would get pwn3d once more. My plan worked perfectly, and you got pwn3d by said truck turning onto the street at 7MPH. Unfortunately, he cut you off so badly that I could not see if you smirked and shook your head at him (you probably did). I'm sorry that I had to pwn you so many times Jesus. I really wish you had just slowed down a tad and let me into your lane so I could merge onto the freeway. As I arrived at the office and shut off my car, I smirked, and shook my head and remembered... I'm agnostic. __________________ CSL replicas are now CSL counterfeits. Jesus saves, like Valentine1. Last edited by Chowbow; 04-11-2008 at 04:39 PM..
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04-10-2008, 01:17 PM	#2
bobver Freedom Isn't Free 2 Rep 22 Posts Drives: 2007 M Coupe Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: PA iTrader: (0)	Amen
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04-10-2008, 01:18 PM	#3
jdink Major 52 Rep 1,332 Posts Drives: '08 E90 335i 6MT Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Portland, OR iTrader: (0)	wtf __________________
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04-10-2008, 01:24 PM	#4
PAKMAN Lieutenant General 360 Rep 16,214 Posts Drives: 2011 E92 M3 Join Date: May 2006 Location: NORTHERN CALIFORNIA iTrader: (35) Garage List 2011 BMW E92 M3 [9.50] 2006 e90 330i [5.50]	wo?! __________________ stock car
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04-10-2008, 01:29 PM	#5
Yardape New Member 1 Rep 25 Posts Drives: 05 E46 M Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Columbus, OH iTrader: (0)
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04-10-2008, 01:31 PM	#6
Chowbow pew pew 166 Rep 6,781 Posts Drives: 三三五i Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: CA iTrader: (6) Garage List 2015 BMW 328i wagon [0.00] 2007 BMW 335i sedan [10.00] 1997 BMW 328i track ... [10.00]	I wish I took a picture of him. The dude looked just like Jesus. __________________ CSL replicas are now CSL counterfeits. Jesus saves, like Valentine1.
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04-10-2008, 01:33 PM	#7
CRZ410S First Lieutenant 17 Rep 397 Posts Drives: 08 335i Vert Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Suburbs of Philly iTrader: (0)	Now we know WWJD __________________ E93 08 335i Vert \| 6 spd \| Barbera Red ext/Blk Int \| Sprt/Prem pkgs \| Comfort/Nav/Ipod/Sirius \| + some custom work
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04-10-2008, 01:45 PM	#9
ironjw Major 32 Rep 1,417 Posts Drives: 2007 335i Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: 818 iTrader: (0) Garage List 2007 335i [0.00]	+1 amen brother
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04-10-2008, 02:29 PM	#11
MadDog Careful, I Bite..... 153 Rep 504 Posts Drives: 2006 325i Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: S.F. Bay Area iTrader: (0) Garage List 2006 325i [7.50]	Yep, you're going straight to HELL j/k Good story, though....
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04-10-2008, 02:35 PM	#12
uabimmer Україна 24 Rep 868 Posts Drives: JB e90 330i Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Sac. California iTrader: (2) Garage List 2006 330i [0.00] 2003 330i [0.00]	Awww too bad, reading the title i thought you repented or something __________________ IN THE PASSING LANE - e90 330 JetBlack / 6000k D1S / 40% all around / LED Lic.Plt. / LED reverse lights / 7500k Fogs
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04-10-2008, 02:42 PM	#13
phatr1s First Lieutenant 26 Rep 363 Posts Drives: M4 Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: TX iTrader: (1) Garage List 2007 335i [0.00] 2007 335i [0.00] 2007 335i [0.00]	is that what happen when you smoke crack? :-)
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04-10-2008, 03:17 PM	#15
stooken Brigadier General 184 Rep 4,244 Posts Drives: E70 X5 Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: NOR*CAL iTrader: (2)	LOL i see jesus every day in my cafeteria __________________ 2010 E92 BSM 335i \| M-Sport \| ST Coils \| Linea Corse Lemans \| Cobb AP \| BMS DCI \| Cyba Tips
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04-10-2008, 03:23 PM	#16
Year's_End Lieutenant General 1138 Rep 12,444 Posts Drives: 2020 Shelby GT350 Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: FL iTrader: (0)	lol are you referring to jee-zuss or hey-suce?^ __________________ Past: '08 E92 335i\|ZPP\|ZSP\|6AT Past: '15 Mustang GT\|401A\|PP\|6MT Current: '20 Shelby GT350\|6MT
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04-10-2008, 03:27 PM	#18
Neurorad Major 87 Rep 1,224 Posts Drives: 2017 340xi Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Location, Location iTrader: (0)	I could be wrong, but maybe it was just a long-haired hippy, and not the almighty?
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04-10-2008, 04:23 PM	#19
nightkhan Private Woodman 163 Rep 467 Posts Drives: 328i, JB, Space Rocket Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: San Francisco iTrader: (3)	this story was exactly what i needed among my hours of boredom at work. __________________ Former King of Stock... E90 325i, Jet Black: Done with Current: E92 328i, Sports Package, 335i wheels, Power Seats, BMW Assist/Bluetooth, IPod/USB, heated seats, //M Short Shifter Future Mods: 19" CSL's, KW V2, 15mm spacer, tints
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04-10-2008, 04:41 PM	#20
LOLrance The Law. 301 Rep 14,283 Posts Drives: BMW Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: SF / OC iTrader: (17)	cliff notes? im too lazy to read all of that but i want to know how jesus looks like. __________________
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04-10-2008, 05:01 PM	#21
Chowbow pew pew 166 Rep 6,781 Posts Drives: 三三五i Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: CA iTrader: (6) Garage List 2015 BMW 328i wagon [0.00] 2007 BMW 335i sedan [10.00] 1997 BMW 328i track ... [10.00]	Jesus drives a 5 series, and drives like an a-hole. End. __________________ CSL replicas are now CSL counterfeits. Jesus saves, like Valentine1.
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