Rectum Stretcher

Tondtar · 02-07-2010, 02:54 PM

While she was "flying" down the road yesterday,
a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the
other side lying in wait.

The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that
classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?"
To which she replied, "I'm late for work."

Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?

I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.

The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher?

And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"

"Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to
two fingers, then three, then four, then
with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands
in, and then I slowly but surely
stretch it, until it's about 6 feet wide."

"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot
asshole ? " he asked.

"You give him a uniform, a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."

Traffic Ticket - $295.00

Court Costs - $75.00

Look on the Cop's Face...............PRICELESS

Dan in PA · 02-07-2010, 03:41 PM

zing!

JayKay335i · 02-07-2010, 05:33 PM

I laughed. Then coughed a little. Laughed a little more.

lopealle · 02-08-2010, 02:32 AM

hilarious

Jeff@TopGearSolutions · 02-09-2010, 12:18 PM

LOL not bad not bad

TL · 02-10-2010, 10:26 PM

pmeloche · 02-10-2010, 11:27 PM

Unfunny.

smack · 02-11-2010, 06:59 AM

That was great!

OlivaresAnthony · 02-16-2010, 09:33 PM

02-07-2010, 02:54 PM	#1
Tondtar 12 yr old Juvie 1078 Rep 881 Posts Drives: His Mom Crazy Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: El Lay iTrader: (2) Garage List 2008 (RIP in 2011) ... [0.00]	Rectum Stretcher While she was "flying" down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?" To which she replied, "I'm late for work." Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do? I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded. The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?" "Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet wide." "And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole ? " he asked. "You give him a uniform, a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..." Traffic Ticket - $295.00 Court Costs - $75.00 Look on the Cop's Face...............PRICELESS
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02-07-2010, 03:41 PM	#2
Dan in PA Captain 88 Rep 729 Posts Drives: 2007 E92 335i Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: PA iTrader: (0) Garage List 2013 BMW Z4 sDrive35i [0.00]	zing! __________________ 2013 BMW Z4 sDrive35i\|DCT\|M-Sport\|iDrive\|Premium Sound\|Heated Seats\|Comfort Access\|PDC\|Deep Sea Blue\|Cream [At the port of exit awaiting a shipping vessel since 8/17/12]
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02-07-2010, 05:33 PM	#3
JayKay335i Banned 189 Rep 5,046 Posts Drives: ///M323 DCT Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: North Dakota; its best DUHHHHHH iTrader: (1)	I laughed. Then coughed a little. Laughed a little more.
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02-08-2010, 02:32 AM	#4
lopealle Resident Black Guy 251 Rep 2,302 Posts Drives: Lion Join Date: May 2009 Location: Federal Way, WA iTrader: (2) Garage List 2006 M5 [10.00]	hilarious
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02-09-2010, 12:18 PM	#5
Jeff@TopGearSolutions 3441 Rep 79,211 Posts Drives: C6 Z06, 09 335i, 10 335xi Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: www.TopGearSolutions.com iTrader: (37)	LOL not bad not bad
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02-10-2010, 10:26 PM	#6
TL Brigadier General 283 Rep 3,102 Posts Drives: Happy on H&R coil overs Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: The Hub iTrader: (3) Garage List 2008 335xi [1.00]	__________________ 2008 E92 335xi ------->Links to my Mods: H&R Street Performance Coil Overs \|\| 19" Alufelgen CS7 \|\| Interior Swap: Black to Coral Red My Website \|\| My Flickr \|\| My Tumblr \|\| My Twitter\|\| My Facebook\|\| My 500px
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02-10-2010, 11:27 PM	#7
pmeloche Lieutenant Colonel 24 Rep 1,604 Posts Drives: 2013 F25 X3 xDrive35i Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Montréal, Canada iTrader: (0)	Unfunny. __________________ Patrice 2013 F25 X3 xDrive35i Vermillion Red
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02-11-2010, 06:59 AM	#8
smack Lieutenant Colonel 34 Rep 1,569 Posts Drives: BMW's/Flex Polishers Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Spangdahlem Germany iTrader: (0)	That was great!
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02-16-2010, 09:33 PM	#9
OlivaresAnthony Colonel 101 Rep 2,095 Posts Drives: 2019 Toyota Tacoma TRD OR 4x4 Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: San Diego, CA iTrader: (6) Garage List 2019 Toyota Tacoma ... [0.00] 2015 BMW 535i [0.00]	__________________ E90 325i\|Sparkling Graphite Metallic\|Steptronic\|Black Leatherette/Dark Burl Interior\|OEM Alarm\|35%Front/5%Rear Tint\|RD LED License Plate Lights\|Rear Fogs Activated\|Debadged\|Smoked Sidemarkers\|Blacklines\|Depo P90v2\|Matte Black Grille\|BMS PBX\|AFE Drop In\|Charcoal Filter Delete\|Air Scoops\| RM Silicone Intake Hose\| Magnaflow 14815\| 19" Avant Garde M310\|Continental DWS\|M3 Lip Spoiler
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