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Sad story OP. You learned a lot from it and have grown emotionally and mentally stronger from the outcome I can see.
I read a lot of anecdotes on here from those have have gone through divorce... seems like the recurring theme is that at some point, it was felt that the relationship was unequal and that's when it took a nosedive. Either way, after time, a partner or both partners changed their mindset, outlook, personality, or whatever and the perception and thus the reality of the relationship begun to deteriorate.
Change is inevitable- from both sides. If you can't deal with your own changes or her changes together, chances are divorce will be the likely outcome. I think that both partners need to know themselves well enough and have some decent relationship experience already to even have a chance at a lasting marriage.
It has nothing to do with whether the man pushes his weight around or bosses his lady and reminds her who is "boss". Yes, I believe that there should ultimately be a leader of the household, but that does not mean a dictator- unless you like weak-minded women, in which case the relationship is already doomed. Equal perceived share of responsibilities is necessary... There are various way to determine this and everyone has different ideas of what is equal so I suppose it's important to establish those early on in the relationship and continue to reestablish them as things change down the road.
You guys that have gotten married and divorced sure make it out to seem like hell.. undoubtedly your experience was. But that does not mean that all relationships/marriages are doomed to be. Be smart in your choices, be empathetic in your relationships, and have integrity. Accept no less from your partner. If she ever disrespects you as a man, she is not the one for you.
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